How to apply for a job and actually get hired

I recently wrote a grant which enabled me to hire additional help for my collections. This, apparently, is both a blessing and a curse. It's been about five years since I've been involved in a hiring process. It was around the same time that I not only served on a search committee but also started applying for jobs. I do not claim to be an expert in this area, but I've gotten as far as phone interviews for all the jobs to which I've applied and feel like I've helped find successful candidates for every opening for which I've served as a search committee member. So I must know a little something, right?

After two weeks of receiving applications, I have a few things to say to all those people out there applying for work. Will following these steps guarantee you will get a job? I can't promise that. Will following these steps mean you won't frustrate some poor person overwhelmed with job applications? Yes, I can promise that. And if you don't frustrate the people sitting on the hiring side of the table, the next time your name comes across, you may be just the person for the job. Bear in mind that these lessons learned from from the academic, private, non-profit, library/archive setting. Each profession is a bit different, but I'm pretty sure these tips will help just about everyone.

So, in no particular order, Joy's guide to not frustrating the people you hope will hire you.

1. Don't spend the majority of your cover letter explaining how good you are at something that wasn't even hinted at in the job description.
Job description: You will work with old paper in filing cabinets.
Cover letter: I rock at customer service.
Evaluation: The old paper doesn't care how well you work with people. Tell me why your experience qualifies you to work with old paper. If you can't come up with an answer, don't apply to the job.

2. Don't spend your entire cover letter addressing how much you want to work in one particular type of organization if that's not the type of organization to which you are applying.
Job description: This is a non-profit research library.
Cover letter: I have always wanted to work with students in an academic setting.
Evaluation: Well then, why don't you go apply to an academic institution? Even if this isn't your dream job, at least pretend like you read the description or did a bit of research about the institution online. In other words, lie, openly admit your shortcomings, or apply to another position.

3. If you put one of those super trendy goal sentences at the top of your resume, be sure it matches the position to which you are applying.
Job description: This is a job in an archive at a nonprofit institution.
Resume: I hope to find an awesome job working with debt collection (No. Lie. Though perhaps paraphrased).
Evaluation: Why are you wasting my time? Even if the job doesn't exactly match your professional goals, at least try.

4. The cover letter should be a concise document highlighting how the skills you have listed on your CV/resume directly fill the requirements of the particular position. This is not a thesis or dissertation. I tolerate two pages if you make it good, but if you cannot communicate in closer to one page why you are the perfect candidate for the job, you have not demonstrated an ability to communicate effectively.
Evaluation: I stop reading after the second page. And if you went on to say something brilliant on the fifth page (I kid you not), and it's not in the last paragraph, I did not read it.

5. If there are specific ways/formats/items that are requested for your application packet, make sure you include all of them. Especially if attention to detail is one of the job requirements.
Application instructions: Email a cover letter and resume to the following person as a pdf.
Result: Emailed a resume to another person in WordPerfect format with no cover letter.
Evaluation: You  obviously cannot follow directions, so I am concerned that you lack an attention to detail which was a requirement for the job. I will not waste my time when there are a dozen other candidates who know how to follow directions.

6. At least in the library/archive world, ask questions. If there is something you don't understand about the position or you are just interested in a little more information, ask politely and don't be annoying. Any and all interaction you have with anyone at the hiring institution will influence the evaluation of your application.
Application instructions: If you have questions about the position, contact this person.
Result: You ask a question, then ask more, then start asking more and offering advice on the hiring process as well as the nature of the work. Then say you're going to apply.
Evaluation: You are annoying, and you are wasting my time. While you may be the perfect candidate for the job, your behavior does not win brownie points.

7. Spelling, grammar, punctuation, and tone are all very important in a cover letter and resume. Lower case "i" when you refer to yourself is incorrect. Ellipses all over your resume are incorrect and make me think you are hiding something. Misspellings are incorrect. Have someone else look at all of your documentation BEFORE you send it.Check, double check, and then have someone else check, especially if you really want the job.
Evaluation: Unless the sum total of your experience and application are so completely, overwhelmingly outstanding, these errors will reduce the likelihood of hiring.

8. Include your complete contact information, which would include your address. I'm not going to write you a letter, but it's always nice to know where someone lives. Will this influence the hiring process? It may, but by being honest, you may find that you really are judged by your qualifications.
p.s. If you have one of those super cutesy, quirky, snarky, silly, or crude email addresses, go to your free email service of choice and register yourself a plain, boring, professional email address. Now.

9. Before you send in any application, double check your online presence. Facebook page decent? LinkedIn profile up to date? Any other surprises out there that some enterprising hiring agent will find? Clean it up or lock it down. Also, bear in mind that if a hiring agent can't find you at all online, that's suspicious these days.
Bonus advice: If you've slammed your current or previous employer(s) openly online, that does not look good for you. If you've talked about your application process openly online, the hiring agent will see that. I've been on search committees in the past where a candidate has been eliminated because of the public, online reaction that was posted concerning the interview experience.

10. Always include references, even if they weren't requested. It makes your application stand out and proves that you have nothing to hide. And no, your mom should not be a reference.

So, turns out I had ten tips. Perhaps I'll have another post after phone interviews commence.

My name is Joy, and I might be a Luddite

I have recently come to terms with the fact that I am a bit of a Luddite. And what, some of you may ask, exactly is a Luddite? According to the Oxford English Dictionary (that's the OED to its closest friends), a Luddite is "one who opposes the introduction of new technology, esp. into a place of work." A group of manufacturers were given this name after following one Captain Ludd in protests during the Industrial Revolution. They essentially tried to stop the march of progress by destroying the machines that were replacing them in the factories. Obviously, they weren't successful, but the name stuck. So that's something they accomplished.

It's not that I don't appreciate technology. Hey, I'm using a blog. I have a Facebook account. Email rocks. Twitter and LinkedIn may grow on me. We just bought a tablet (but I hate (!!) mobile apps. I want to see all of the options, not just the ones your choose for me). And the Internet, well, it's pretty cool.

The Internet: it's bigger on the inside (who's a Doctor Who fan out there?).

Love the IT Crowd.

Sorry. Back to the main topic.

It's just the rate that technology and gadgets are changing can be a bit mind numbing at times. Being in the information profession (that's fancy speak for librarianship), I think that I see so much more of the new technologies, and even what I see is only the tip of the ice burg. My position in the Tower does keep me a bit insulated from many new fangled notions since I'm just trying to pull us past the mid-1990's (I'm getting a new scanner!!). I just find myself thinking I wish I could just give it all up, plow an acre of land, make my own clothes, and coordinate an old fashioned book exchange for the other homesteaders nearby.

So what prompted this oh so very philosophical post? As I may have mentioned, I'm running for an office on the Board of SLA (that's Special Libraries Association). As part of the campaign process, we have to answer questions periodically to help the members get to know us. You can see my most recent post here. The question about techie gadgets just irked me a bit. I really had to tone down my snark. Again, it's not that I have anything wrong with techie gadgets, but they are certainly not the end all be all of helping people in a library or information resource or research setting (and I don't really think the question implied that, it's just where my mind went this evening).

Here was my work for the last two weeks: listening to recordings of carillon concerts (good, actually very enjoyable) combined with trying to get my computer to do something else so I could multitask (not so good) all the while trying to find carillon music appropriate to play during a 5K race (you can still participate). Today, I had 4 hours to actually burn the CD. Between the additional editing that needed to be done, the rare visitor that came to see me in the library, and my super slow computer, it took me 5 hours to accomplish this task. Yes, my computer is that slow. Really. It's not that I was just impatient. It took an hour and a half to burn 66 minutes worth of music to a CD today. What new techie gadget do I want? A computer that works faster than a snail's pace. A scanner with a wide enough bed to capture 8.5 x 11" paper (who buys a scanner made for A4 paper in the US?). A phone that doesn't get all static when a storm is approaching. Reliable electricity and temperature control (historic buildings are a bit of a bummer about things like that). Running water (I kid not). There are librarians out in the world doing what they can with a whole lot less. Tablets, smart phones, apps, blah, blah, blah. Let's make sure everyone has the basics before we go all crazy. The good news is that I should be getting a newer computer, scanner, and other 21st century computer equipment next week!! Eeee!

Call me a Luddite. It's ok. I'd even wear the t-shirt.

If I start a tech-free commune, who wants a plot of land?

Florida Association of Museums conference 2011

Yesterday, I had the pleasure of leading a panel of presenters at the annual Florida Association of Museums (FAM) conference over in Tampa. The four of us shared about the unique situations in which museum libraries find themselves, smashed between the two similar but disparate worlds of museums and libraries. It was so much fun. I love conferences, and I remembered that I really love to share with others. I love talking about libraries with other librarians, but I love even more talking about libraries with people that are not librarians. I love sharing ideas and hearing ideas and re-energizing myself and others for the banal tasks we have to do every day. It was great. I only wish that I could have stayed for the whole conference, but budgets are what they are. I was able to get in to the lunch yesterday and hear the keynote speaker. He challenged the listeners to push limits, look for audiences outside the norm, and take risks. Great advice for any business.

For part of the take-away of our presentation, I compiled a list of library resources. During the conversations our panel had, I discovered that many museum professionals that find themselves working in a museum library are not aware of the wealth of information available for training, grants, and general reference. I decided to include my list here. It is in no way complete. I tried to keep it to one page, front and back, so there were many resources that I was unable to include.

We're not all librarians, but what are some of your favorite go-to resources for what you do?

Library Resources for the Museum Professional

Compiled by: Joy M. Banks, Librarian, Anton Brees Carillon Library, Bok Tower Gardens

for Florida Association of Museums, Sept. 20, 2011

General Websites

Florida State Library Resources for Librarians – A source for resources too numerous to list including state wide job postings, a registry of libraries in the state (be sure to register yours!), information about grants, contact information for regional library consortia, and general resources to improve library services. http://dlis.dos.state.fl.us/index_Librarians.cfm

Library of Congress – The LOC website is filled with rich information for libraries and archives. Check out the sites dedicated to preservation (http://www.loc.gov/preservation/), building digital collections (http://memory.loc.gov/ammem/about/techIn.html), and their general librarians and archivists resource page (http://www.loc.gov/library/).

LISNews – A great source for the latest in news and blogs related to libraries and library services. Sign up for their email digest to get summaries of stories sent straight to you. http://lisnews.org/

IMLS Museums, Libraries and 21^st Century Skills – While this initiative took place during 2010-2011, the resources on this website include self-assessment tools to see how an institution rates with 21^st century skills and a report that includes case reports and the vision for libraries and museums in the future. Check out the rest of the IMLS website for grant opportunities. http://www.imls.gov/about/museums_libraries_and_21st_century_skills.aspx

Online Dictionary of Library and Information Science – One stop dictionary for defining all of those acronyms that fill library and information science vocabulary. A great way to help you help others understand the value of what you do. http://www.abc-clio.com/ODLIS/odlis_A.aspx

Resources for Museum and Curatorial Librarians – a general listing of both electronic and print resource for librarians. Many of the resources are geared towards art institutions. http://thomaskozak.com/capstone-portfolio-materials/resources-for-museum-and-curatorial-librarians/

Special Libraries Association – For best library practice, networking, and finding colleagues in similar library situations. Of particular interest may be the Florida & Caribbean Chapter (http://slafc.cites.fsu.edu/), the Museum, Art, and Humanities Division (http://mah.sla.org/), and the Solo Division (http://solo.sla.org). http://www.sla.org

Cataloging

Library of Congress Catalog – a great reference to find MARC records and call number. http://catalog.loc.gov

Library of Congress Authority file – a definitive reference for finding authorized subject headings, name authority headings, and uniform titles. http://authorities.loc.gov

OCLC – One of the largest consortia of library in the world with over 72,000 member libraries. Their website includes great resources for bibliographic standards, training (many of them free), and a long list of helpful listservs to which you can subscribe. http://www.oclc.org

WorldCat.org – This is the open version of OCLC’s extensive, international WorldCat database. It’s a great resource to see who else has books you have or who has books your patrons may need. http://www.worldcat.org

Listservs

Library of Congress guide to Library Discussion Lists: http://www.loc.gov/rr/program/bib/libsci/guides.html#listservs

IFLA guide to Library Discussion Lists: http://www.ifla.org/mailing-lists

The following list is in no way complete but includes lists of general interest.

Fl-lib Listserv - This list is devoted to messages and discussions relating to the library community in Florida. Participation in the list is open to anyone, anywhere. http://dlis.dos.state.fl.us/bld/fl-lib_info.cfm

AutoCat – For all your cataloging questions. If they can’t answer you, they know someone who can. https://listserv.syr.edu/scripts/wa.exe?SUBED1=AUTOCAT&A=1

Circplus – Library circulation and related issues. http://www.lsoft.com/scripts/wl.exe?SL1=LIB-CIRCPLUS&H=PRINCETON.EDU

LIBJobs – A mailing list for librarians and information professionals seeking employment and employers wishing to advertise their jobs. http://infoserv.inist.fr/wwsympa.fcgi/info/libjobs

Libref-L – Discussion of library reference issues. https://listserv.kent.edu/cgi-bin/wa.exe?A0=LIBREF-L

DigLib – A discussion list for digital library researchers and librarians. http://infoserv.inist.fr/wwsympa.fcgi/info/diglib

Articles

Wateren, Jan van der. The importance of museum libraries. INSPEL 33 (1994)4, pp. 190-198. http://archive.ifla.org/VII/d2/inspel/99-4wajv.pdf

Continuing Education

Lifelong Education at Desktop (LE@D) – Offerings from the University of North Texas for professional development of librarians. Some are offered for free (sign up for their e-newsletter) and some are more in-depth for a fee. All are online. http://www.leadonline.info/

Other sources for free and low cost library training include OCLC, regional consortia (http://dlis.dos.state.fl.us/fgils/fl_lib.html), professional organizations, and schools with LS programs

What is up with libraries these days? Part two

When I was working on part one of this thread, I realized that I had more to say than I could cram into one post. The passion I felt over this has faded some. I am a bit more removed at this point from the problems that stirred up so much ire in my spirit (the project isn't over, though, so I'm sure it will come up again). But even as I sit here to try to verbalize (or write) the jumbled mess of thoughts I have on this issue, the problem seems overwhelming. Or maybe it's just so simple and staring me in my face that I am just ignoring it.

I'll say this now. This post will probably be filled with sweeping, but not hasty, generalizations about the people with whom I share my field. I will also admit that I am not the most well-read librarian on library things. The number of blogs out there is overwhelming, and quite a few librarians are addressing the same issues as myself (most of them with a much broader audience than my own little blog world here). If you've read similar words somewhere else, share.

Here's how I ended part 1:
"We are Librarians, a part of a long history of subversion, controversy, rebellion, and knowledge. If knowledge is power, we have the power of entire civilizations at our finger tips. Let's use it!

Part Two will more than likely be on why most librarians won't actually step up to the plate and why I hope that I will be proven wrong."

I feel like I should clarify a little. Plenty of librarians are stepping up to the plate and fighting to show the value of our profession. Take for example the advocates in the Florida Library Association who successfully lobbied to maintain library funding for this extremely tight budget year (check out their thank you video here. Your mother was right: always say thank you). But here's the problem with some of our advocacy efforts: we often only talk to each other. We vent on listservs hidden away from the public eye. We post blogs that only other librarians are reading. We are tongue tied with our professional jargon. We only step up when there is trouble. Ok, so that's more than one problem, but I think they have a similar root: the kind of people attracted to the librarian field.

WARNING: generalization ahead

If you haven't noticed, many librarians are of a certain type. Public services librarians (front lines people, the public face of libraries) like to help people and diffuse situations, and technical services librarians (the people hiding behind closed doors or on the fifth floors of towers closed to the public) generally prefer technology to people and really don't like trouble. The appeal of the library is the illusion that each day will be filled with helping connect library users with the perfect resources. It's a blissful illusion since anyone who has worked in a library for more than an hour knows just how volatile the atmosphere in a library can be. So, we vent to each other about that. We deal with the day to day issues that invariably arise in our work place. We become so wrapped up with just getting through today that we avoid the big picture. Some one else can deal with that. I'm just too busy. We all stay in our own little words talking to the people we know agree with us and just treading water. I know I'm guilty.

According to the most recent (2008) O*NET numbers, there are 160,000 librarians in the US (the number is probably more since this is specifically people who identify themselves as "librarians" and the profession is much broader than that). Can you imagine if we all actually spoke with the same voice about our value to the rest of the country? But we divide ourselves. Are you aware of how many professional organizations exist for librarians? American Library Association, Special Libraries Association, Music librarians Association, Association of American Law Librarians, Medical Library Association. Check out this rather lengthy list. You would think we would all be working together, but no. We divide ourselves, claiming that no other "type" can possibly understand the problems I have in MY library or information center or whatever you call it.

I feel like this post is getting away from me. And maybe that's another problem with librarians.

If we, those of us who spent all that money getting our professional degrees, are not going to step forward and explain to the rest of the world that our value goes far beyond helping people find the next big bestseller (a valuable skill, but not our only skill), who in the world to we expect to do this for us? Are all those computer programmers out there expecting all of their users to tell the world how valuable they are? No. Do the lawyers rely on others to defend their value to the world? No. How about the doctors, plumbers, electricians, police officers... Get the picture? We are each responsible for making sure that others understand our value.

We should be adapting to the future. The world is changing and all that. But we shouldn't be allowing other people to tell us how we are supposed to change. It's like a doctor telling a plumber how to clear a drain because the doctor unclogged an artery or vice versa. They are both experts in their own field and perhaps they can learn from each other, but one can't tell the other what to do. Yes, evaluate what you're doing and why. Recognize that you may need to change. But don't just change for change's sake. And don't just stay the same because that's how we've always done it. Become active in other information professions, using the knowledge that you have already learned to help teach others. We cannot be passive any more. We cannot allow other to say that we have no value because computers are just so smart these days (computers aren't creating themselves... yet). Shock and amaze people by your mad searching, organizing, teaching, archiving, programming, writing, helping, creating, collaborating, managing, budgeting (anything else?) skills. And when they look at you weird or actually say, "Gee, how'd you know that?" just reply, "Because I am a (dudududaaaa) LIBRARIAN!" (insert image of cape bedecked person with a book on chest, wind blowing, music playing).

Don't sell yourself (and your profession) short: You are a librarian, and we all rock this world.

What is up with libraries these days? Part One

I know many of you are not librarians by trade, so you may not be aware of the shake ups happening in our little world these days. I would say it all started back when Al Gore invented the internet. There were people who said, "Wait. That's not true. I need to go to my local library and ask one of those librarians for the real story." And then there were those people who said, "Wait. What's the internet? I need to go to my library and see if I can check that out with my library card." It was this moment in time (or one very near by) that set libraries off on a trajectory into the information age.

Just one second person who coined the "information age" phrase. We're trying to say that there was no information before Al Gore invented the internet? Because I was under the impression that humans have been dealing with information ever since they figured out they could communicate with each other.

Librarians of the 21st century (I claim that title when the hit action-packed, sci-fi movie is released) are faced with an overwhelming task: making all ideas available to all people. Back when printed books were the status quo and we didn't have to worry about all this digital nonsense, it was a bit easier to say with some confidence that, after a diligent search, all of the information on X subject had been found with perhaps a few exceptions that may have been located in musty archives inaccessible to anyone. Now, there is no confidence that any one person could ever find ALL the information available on a topic. As soon as you finish your first go around, dozens of articles, websites, and self-published books could have been released. The idea of a comprehensive literature review should terrify the average person.

But there, you see, librarians are not just "the average person." We have knowledge, we have advanced degrees, we have super secret special powers that allow us to fly... Wait. That last one is a bit too far. But we are able to tap into the collective knowledge of our current and past civilizations to find you the best response for your most pressing questions. Yes, we are awesome. And yes, there is a difference between the library clerk who give you a blank stare when you ask a complicated question and the professional librarian just dying to have someone ask them something that will require more than pointing towards the restroom.

A fellow book lover recently passed along this blog post by a librarian that often has very strong opinions (I would share this persons name, but I only know this person's screen name: the.effing.librarian). Be warned that there is some language both in the post and in the comments. While I think that librarians, generally speaking, have a fuller vocabulary than the rest of the world (we do have unlimited access to all of those dictionaries after all), I think the language displays the passion that we all feel towards this debate. The.effing.librarians was responding to Seth Godin's recent post that has sparked a huge debate about the future of libraries and the librarians who work in them.

So what's the big deal, you may ask? Just move on, librarians, get with the times, you may say. For the most part, libraries lead the way of getting with the times. They used computers regularly before most business recognized their value. They jumped on the Internet bandwagon as soon as possible, sharing and collaborating and making sure that patrons really did have access to everything. Much to the chagrin of the bun-bedecked librarian, we are hip (but perhaps I just reduced our inherent hipness by using the very word). We have ipads and kindles and instant stream movies, music, and audio books. We are digitizing and archiving and programming and whatever. And here is another super power I forgot to address: we do this all with almost no money. I know, right? We're amazing.

But with this push towards all things digital, we forget that first tenant that all librarians swear to upon graduation (it's sort of like doctors making the Hippocratic oath, only not at all): I, (state your name), do so solemnly swear that I will neither discriminate user or resource and will provide access to all people to all information.

Get that? We are not allowed to discriminate against users (which, by the way, is pretty much an American thing. The.effing.librarian makes an excellent point by stating that many countries absolutely DO NOT have anything that even resembles US public libraries open and free to all). We also CANNOT discriminate against our resources. For many decades, that has meant primarily the content of the resources. As librarians, we leave our personal preferences at the door and try to offer our patrons the range of information on all topics. We are not called to decide HOW people think; we are just trying to get them to think. More recently, this discrimination has been more about carrier type (that's an inside joke for catalogers facing the rather catastrophic appearance of RDA which has nothing do do with recommended daily allowances, thank you Google). What does discrimination against carrier type mean? It means administrators and some narrow minded librarians are throwing away their books. Gone. No print. It's obsolete. Everything is on the Internet.

No. False. Much to almost everyone's surprise everything is NOT on the Internet. In fact, most things are not on the Internet. Like all of those books that you just threw away. Google hasn't digitized those yet. And all of those archives that you just tossed. They don't exist any where. And all of those photos and newspaper articles and letters and magazines. Those aren't there either. You may think that everything is on the Internet because (insert your favorite search engine here) just dumped 7 billion websites onto your computer screen when you searched for "economic decline," but looks can be deceiving. I recently saw this rather revealing post On the dangers of personalization. So now we must also consider that search engines are hiding results from you based on your search history in addition to not actually being able to search the entirety of human knowledge in the first place. Google never earned a master's degree in library science. It took no oath not to discriminate against users or resources. And when was the last time Netflix "genres" actually suggested something you might want to watch (sorry, that's another soap box).

I don't know, people. It's a sad world in which we live. As I sit here typing this, I continue to have the same nagging thought: Who cares? Who cares that people in the United States can't think critically. Who cares that they aren't getting the best answer to their question as long as they get some answer. Who cares that entire sections of our culture and past are being thrown into the dumpsters. The idea of "good enough" permeates our culture from people eating at restaurants that care more about being fast than serving food that tastes good to education systems interested only in the results of a standardized test to corporations that are only interested in the bottom line and ignore the quality of their product.

Well, let's rise above librarians. Let's care. Let's fight this fight until there is no more fight to fight. Let's join together to work with the e-publishers that want to tell us how to be a library. We need to tell them! (If you don't know about that, go sign this petition and go read Andy Woodworth's blog post on why he started the petition). We are Librarians, a part of a long history of subversion, controversy, rebellion, and knowledge. If knowledge is power, we have the power of entire civilizations at our finger tips. Let's use it!

Part Two will more than likely be on why most librarians won't actually step up to the plate and why I hope that I will be proven wrong.

Book Report: The Pirates! books by Gideon Defoe

My first book report was a bit on the serious side (anyone finished Sacajawea yet?). The book selections for this report go completely in the opposite direction.

I discovered these gems while browsing for books at my local library. I needed to find small, light books to take with me on a plane trip. These are all small and light, but little did I know how hilarious they are. I am talking about laugh out loud (no abbreviations here) funny. And when I say "out loud" I mean I was getting strange looks from the other plane passengers.

The Pirates! in an adventure with scientists (2004)

The Pirates! in an adventure with Ahab (2005)
The Pirates! in an adventure with communists (2006)
The Pirates! in an adventure with Napoleon (2008)

Gideon Defoe has an amazingly ironic, absurd, clean, clever humor that is hard to find in modern fiction. For a great sample of his writing, check out his website where I was pleased to learn that he not only has a new Pirates! book planned for 2012 but also has a movie in the work from the first Pirates! adventure. I am beyond ecstatic.

On to some plot elements. The stories follow the Pirate Captain and his band of dedicated (but completely inept) pirates on their various absurd adventures. In the first adventure, they meet up with Charles Darwin (who was trying to convince the world that monkeys could look like humans if they wore formal attire). Much chaos ensues and ham is eaten.

In the second book (adventures with Ahab or whaling depending on which side of the pond you live), the Pirate Captain and his surly band chase after the elusive white whale (after being tricked by his nemesis once again) so that they can pay for a new ship which they could not afford. At one point they sail to Las Vegas (you heard me) to earn money the way everyone in Las Vegas earns money: start a stage show. Chaos ensues and ham is eaten.

The third book introduces the Pirates to opera and communists. The Pirate Captain has his hands full with this adventure and, as always, chaos ensues. Ham may or may not be eaten.


The fourth of the pirate adventures finds the pirates with Napoleon while he is in exile. Napoleon and the Pirate Captain have a power struggle. Chaos ensues (although perhaps not quite so much), but ham is most definitely eaten.

These books are perfect for a person like myself who can never remember the names of characters in books. Defoe bestows such names as the pirate with the red scarf or the albino pirate or the pirate with gangrene. It's wonderful. Defoe also disperses little gems in each book (like the reader's guide in one and a list of pages and pages of made up titles of other available Pirates! books).

You may be saying to yourself, "These books can't possibly be as funny as this Joy person is saying."

Perhaps.

But I challenge you to read some of the excerpts of the books found here, here, here, and here. If you don't even chuckle, well, perhaps we can't be friends any more.

But seriously, we each have our own reading tastes, and I love these books. And I'll still be your friend even if we don't like the same books. Maybe.

So who is your favorite comedic writer?

My vertical file

For this entire weekend (well, most of it anyway), I've worked on this corner. This corner has a history. The table you see is our old "dining room" table (we've never actually had a dining room). After my parent's gifted us with their old dining room table, I didn't have the heart to discard this one. It works well as a craft table (most of the time), and you should be able to see my ironing board on the top. The printer (at least one of them) is on the top of the table, too. Along with a bunch of other stuff. But my main focus this weekend was all of that STUFF you see under the table. It's been a lovely little hiding place for a couple years now. I just shoved any old thing under there. It's mostly random power cables (our wire bag), my old laptop, empty folders and binders, and papers. Lots-o-papers. My task this weekend: purge the paper.

The first task was to bring most of it downstairs so I wouldn't be distracted by the other corners of this room (sidebar: I only got distracted once twice. The first time was when I discovered a big almost empty box that was perfect for all of those greeting cards I can't throw away. The second time was when I realized I could put all of our response cards from our wedding (yes, I saved them all... and now I know the people who didn't respond but showed up anyway) into the album we used for our guest book. Great idea, but it did sap quite a bit of time this afternoon). Anywho, here is where we (and when I say we, I mean I) were at sometime early this weekend:

I know that I've been working for a while at this point because I already have two bins almost totally empty. So, the grand tour. Bottom left is my "professional" box filled with all things library. The two black bins contained an assortment of stuff and old files on who knows what. Above that is a box of professional magazines, my personal file box, and a box of empty binders and folders. Back at the bottom in the crate, we have another box of files related to my undergraduate education and random sorting piles for paper (keep, toss, shred).

Everything was going just fine until I reached that box of personal files. Mind you, I haven't opened this thing in years. Years. But what happens when I do? I remember how much care I took when assembling the assortment of materials contained in it's many folders. Just look at it's beauty:

I was sitting there staring at the thing when DH walked up to me and asked if I was ok. It was in this moment that I realized, no, everything was not ok. This box was me. This box (and here was the epiphany) was my vertical file! So, for you non-library folk, that probably doesn't mean much, and you may even need a definition. Basically though, a vertical file is a collection of important (at least to the collector) items that help paint a picture or history of the chosen topic. And in this case, the topic was me. It took me a good 15 or 20 minutes to pull the first file out. I took half a dozen pictures of the thing as it was. And then, I dove in to American Literature. It's a good thing that was the first folder because I didn't particularly care for the topic (nothing against the professor!). By the time I was done, I had purged about half of the materials in the box. To be honest, most of what I threw away was work done by other people (what ever possessed me to keep all of the handouts from all of my classmates... I may never know).

I finished the paper purge this evening. Check out these pictures:

 It's hard to read the numbers on the tape measure, but that's just over 2 feet of paper. Gone. And a box of empty folders and binders to be sent to a good cause (i.e. middle school)

And look at all that's left:

Two completely empty crates and a much more condensed collection of papers. I still have quite a bit of stuff in my vertical file, and I'm not sure that I'll ever get rid of all of it. But I think I've kept enough to make the memories real. I even kept the page of notes from my Modern Philosophy class that contains evidence of the ONE time I fell asleep in class. The stuff still needs to go back upstairs, but that's for another day. And for the DH. These boxes are heavy!

Question of the post: Do you hold on to ephemera (i.e. stuff) to help you remember the past, or do you ditch the stuff and hope the memories last?

Uses for the library

ALA (American Library Association for those outside the field) just announced it's Library of the Future award winner: Orange County Library System. That's Orange County Florida, thank you very much. Somewhat prophetically, the award was given because of the OCs plethora of technology classes offered each month. That made me think of why I go to my local library.

1. To check out craft books. If you haven't noticed, craft books can be quite expensive. I do not have the money to feed my crafting book addictions, so to the library I go. The last time I was there, I was actually a bit disappointed with the selection (I was looking for cross stitch books). I think I concluded that the reason that they didn't have any new cross stitch books is because the craft isn't as popular as it once was. They had plenty of new quilting books... which I also checked out. I like to dream about crafts I will never start.

2. To attend programs given by the Children's Department. Ironic, right, since I don't have any children. It's true, though, because whenever my sister comes to visit, we check out what's going on at the library. We get movies, find books to read, and go to the summer movie program the library offers. When my niece stayed with us last summer, we did the same thing. I even attended a story time with a former co-worker to get some ideas for the story time I used to lead (we called ahead first to make sure it was ok that two women with no children showed up). I strongly believe that allowing children to have fun times at the library will help assure the presence of libraries into the future. And yes, I also strongly believe that libraries will transition to find a place in the future. Doctor Who even says so:


3. To check out audio books. I have a long commute now. I wanted something to keep my mind busy while in the car. I was a bit disappointed to discover that our library does not actively purchase new audiobooks. I was forced to check out the Young Adult audiobook collection to find something I would enjoy.

Why do you go to your library? Or why don't you go to your library?